Remembering Aizou
by diamondxrain
Summary: Zuko questions ending his life. Memories surround him as he makes the biggest descision of his life, or is it his death? Rated T for suicide thoughts and depression. Slight Zutara if you can notice it.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar, nor ever will. I do own this plot though.

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Remembering Aizou

Zuko sat in his new room in Ba Sing Se's Royal Palace. He should be happy. He and Azula had conquered Ba Sing Se together, after so many others had failed. He just couldn't help feel lonely, empty, and sad. Zuko just wanted it all to end.

On the wooden desk lay Zuko's knife he had gotten so long ago. The knife reminded him of his father, cruel and unjust. He knew his father would never accept him. He just wouldn't admit it to himself. Images flashed through Zuko's head. He remembered the old general he had insulted. He remembered how his father wanted him gone. He remembered how he whole Fire Nation had wanted him gone.

He remembered Jet, the Freedom Fighter who had turned on him because he was Fire Nation. He even remembered Lee, and the rest of Lee's village. They despised him, even after he saved Lee from the soldiers. They hated him all because he was a firebender and a part of the Fire Nation.

Zuko remembered his sister's hate for him. He knew she would never accept him, especially as the Fire Lord. Azula always lied, always. Nothing, not even being a family would change that.

Zuko just couldn't bear it any more. Everyone hated him. No one could even stand him. They all wanted him out of the way. His father was right. He was lucky to be born. In his mind, Zuko thought he was unlucky to be born.

No matter what he pretended to be, he was always a part of the Fire Nation everyone else hated. He was the banished, disowned Prince of the Fire Nation and nothing would change that. He would always be unwelcome and hated for that.

Zuko hung his head. The flames from the candles illuminated his face as a single tear fell down his cheek. Part of Zuko told him to stop. Tears were a sign of weakness. Another part of him said "_So what? I am weak. I was too weak to face my father, my sister, and the Avatar. I'm just better off dead._"

That's just what Zuko decided to do. He picked up his knife from the desk, and removed it from its holder. He slowly raised the knife. The blade gleamed silver and gold from the light of the candles. It reminded him of the pond he fed the turtleducks at with his mother.

His mother. His mother had loved him, and protected him. She made him laugh. She would do anything for him. "_Then why did she run away?_" he thought. Then he remembered her words: "_Everything I've done, I've done to protect you._"

Then, Zuko remembered Lee again. He remembered how Lee, his family, and the rest of the town took Zuko in and supported him before they found out who he was. They had liked him as a person, not because of a stupid title.

"_Do you think we could have been friends?_" The Avatar's words came back to him. He wondered if that could be true. He knew the Avatar was just a kid, like him. The Avatar had trusted him as the Blue Spirit. He even trusted him after finding out his identity. Maybe they could have been friends.

Jin and Song had been kind to him too. He thought of how the Fire Nation, his Fire Nation, had destroyed their lives. Song's father was gone, and she had been burned and scarred, just like him. Jin was forced to become a refugee, in a crowded city, doomed from the start. He wondered what would happen if they found out whom he was. Would they still accept him?

Zuko remembered the Water Tribe girl trapped with him in the catacombs. She had been angry with him at first, telling him he was just like his family, and he was only meant for hatred and pain. Then, she apologized. He had been surprised, why had she apologized? She had the right to be mad at him.

Then, he remembered that the Fire Nation had hurt her too. They killed her mother, just like the Fire Nation had driven his own mother away. Yet, she still apologized. She had cared and even offered to heal his scar. Zuko wondered what would have happened if the Avatar and Uncle had interrupted just a little later.

Uncle! Uncle cared for him. He had accompanied Zuko to find the Avatar, remaining patient and supportive all the way. He had been there for both the best and the worst times in his life. Had he just betrayed the last of Uncle's trust for him? Zuko doubted it. He knew Uncle was just waiting for him, just waiting for him to do the right thing.

Zuko looked at the knife Uncle had given him, still hanging loosely in his hands. Its silver blade was no longer a menace, but a comfort to him. Zuko turned over the knife. "_Never give up without a fight,_" the inscription read. "_I won't give up Uncle, never._" A tear ran down Zuko's good eye. Then he heard the Water Tribe girl's voice, "_I thought you had changed._" The knife fell to the ground with an echoing clang.

"_I have changed,_" Zuko thought silently. "_I have changed._"

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**A/N:**

I hoped you liked this story. This story is based on a true story about questioning suicide, and weighing the pros and cons. Aizou is Japanese for love and hate. This makes the title: Remembering Love and Hate. 

**R&R!**


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